I think my teenager is taking drugs

For many of us parents, one of our greatest fears is that we suspect our children may be taking drugs. There is a vast difference between discovering they take an odd joint of cannabis with friends or being involved in taking heavier drugs and your attitude and degree of tolerance will depend largely on your own experiences. 

It seems hard to penetrate the teenage world; knowing about their music, why they dress like they do and their unique language (‘wicked’ and ‘random’ mean different things to us!) so we may feel quite inadequate about our knowledge of drugs and their various street names. However, this does not really matter. The most important thing to consider is what the best course of action to take is, in order to support your teenager, who may be feeling they have got in deeper than they can cope with. 

Even if you normally have a good relationship with your teenager you may feel at a loss as to how it is best to tackle the issue. However, remember….

No one knows your teenager better than you do

Aim to avoid behaving in what your teenager might say would be a predictable way. They will be expecting you to fly off the handle and be angry and will no doubt be afraid of your reaction. It is important you discuss the situation with your partner, before approaching your teenager, and decide what it is you are going to say, in a calm, positive and non-confrontational way.

Be direct

Although you may have experienced the ‘truculent teens’ first hand and feel wary of discussing your fears with your teenager, follow your instincts if you suspect your son or daughter is taking drugs, (making sure this is more than just a hunch), and ask them outright if they ARE taking drugs.

Try a dialogue such as:- “I need to have an honest answer to the question I’m about to ask you Sam. You know how important being honest with each other is in this house. Are you or have you been taking drugs?”

Whether you get a direct ‘no’ or ‘yes’ answer, it is important that you have prepared what you will say next.

Talk ……..

The relationship you have with your teenager is so important; hopefully they will feel they can talk to you about their problems.

Ensure you make it clear that you will not blame them or take unreasonable action but make it known that you will expect him/her to abide by the rules of the house. These may be rules you have already established or it might be necessary to mutually agree some rules if the issue of drug taking has not arisen before.

Don’t ask why they have started to take drugs, as this will automatically put your teenager on the defensive. Instead, calmly ask how the situation came about; was it done as a dare between friends, was it to keep face with the ‘in-crowd’ at school/college or some other reason like wanting to experiment?

…….And listen!

Listen carefully to what they have to say, assumptions can be dangerous. So let them explain in their own words what’s going on for them and treat what they say seriously.

If, on the other hand, your teenager refuses to discuss things with you, again, do not fly off the handle but suggest you leave it a while until they have had time to think about what you have said and they are ready to discuss things with you.

If THIS doesn’t work, suggest they speak to a close friend or another adult, (their personal tutor, for example, if they can relate to them), who can act as a go-between.

Get wise and put things in perspective

The chances are you might not know very much about the drugs that are readily available out there, relying instead on the drug education your teenage has perhaps received at secondary school. It will probably not impress your teenager if you start using street names for drugs (I for one used to think ‘skunk’ was a smelly animal!) so instead, do some research to familiarise yourself with what is going on ‘out there’. So you can approach the issue in an  informed way.

There are some excellent websites, Drug Scope  being one of them. This site states:- ‘despite all the publicity about ecstacy, less than 5% of all those aged 16-19 say they are regular users of the drug.  Injecting drug use is still quite rare among young people, so is the use of drugs like heroin and cocaine.’

Calmly voice your concerns

Remember, it’s not so much what you say but how you say it. You might have visions of your son or daughter living in a squat injecting heroin with a used needle, but if your teenager has just experimented with cannabis, for example, carefully choosing what you say may be enough fore your teenager to listen respectfully to what you have to say.

If you have any personal experience of the effects of taking drugs, share the story with your teenager. Young people often feel they are invincible and things won’t happen to them.

As a teenager myself, I witnessed a young man going through a heroin overdose whilst in a hospital A & E department and I related this story to my son many years later when we happened to discuss drug taking. He calmly told me that if he wanted to take drugs he knew exactly who to ask at his secondary school but he had already decided that it was ‘cool’ to say no!

Perhaps you know of a friends’ daughter or son who has had their drink spiked who your teenager also knows and you can describe how it affected the teenager and the rest of the family.

Separate the person from the behaviour

You may not like the person your teenager has become but remember they are still the same person you have loved and nurtured since birth.

Your teenager may feel out of their depth and in too far so offer means of help and advice rather than a dressing down. It is possible the taking of drugs is to mask some other aspect of their life and once this is discussed the taking of drugs might no longer be an issue.

 So, as we all know, nobody said being a parent was going to be an easy job and this statement is no truer than when they develop into teenagers. The chances are if they didn’t turn to drugs it would be something else. The secret is how you deal with the situation in a calm and rational way so that you build up a trusting relationship with your teenager rather than alienating them and ending up in a far worse situation.

To reproduce this article please contact webmaster@smallsteps2success.co.uk for details

+ Back to Resources index +

Why not take your first steps to success now and contact pavlenka