As I’m married to a chef, I tend to do most of the cooking so every once in a while it’s nice to treat ourselves to a meal out. I appreciate we are fortunate to do so as many people cannot afford either the time or money to eat out regularly, (particularly those with young children), so going to a restaurant is often reserved for just a special occasion.
Therefore I’m sure, like me, you feel badly done to when your meal fails to meet expectations. But do you voice your complaint? How many of you have said, when asked, that everything was fine with your meal so as not to cause a stir? In what other aspects of your life do you fail to speak your mind? How often do you say ‘yes’ when you mean ’no’ or avoid saying what you really want to say?
This month we are taking a look at assertiveness. This is not to be confused with being aggressive or passive but whether you speak your mind or stand up for yourself when faced with a difficult situation. How often do you agree to do something against your better judgement for fear of upsetting others?
People often struggle with being assertive due to lack of self-confidence, self-esteem and feelings of insecurity.
The thought of being more assertive and saying what we really think rather than what we believe people want to hear can seem far too daunting. However it’s worth stopping to consider how we come across to others if we always back down, agree to complete tasks within ridiculous timescales or fail to accept or ask for help when it is needed. What message are you giving others? What ‘label’ will people attach to you?
 What does assertiveness mean?
It means allowing yourself to:
- Respect yourself
- Take responsibility for yourself
- Recognise your own needs and wants independently of others
- Use clear ‘I’ statements e.g. ‘I think that’s unfair of you to ask’
- Make mistakes
- To enjoy your successes
- To change your mind
- Ask for ‘thinking it over’ time
- Ask for what you want
- Set clear boundaries
- Recognise that you have a responsibility to others
- Respect other people
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Thoughts for the month:
The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.
Anthony Robins
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Let’s build bridges, not walls.
Martin Luther King Jnr
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We are injured and hurt emotionally, not so much by other people or what they say and don’t say, but by our own attitude and our own response.
Maxwell Maltz
Like to contribute ...?
I am interested in all feedback and comments to this newsletter.
I also welcome any offers of collaboration or inclusion of promotional articles.
To discuss any contribution please contact me through the channels below.
My contact details
Pavlenka Small
Small Steps to Success
Tel : 01206 299073
pav@smallsteps2success.co.uk
 Email contact form here
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Five small steps 2 .....
Saying ‘No’ with Confidence.
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Step One
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When someone asks you to do something for them, don’t feel pressured to give your response straight away. Just say ‘I need to think about it’ which will give you time to consider first before feeling you have to give an immediate response.
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Step Two
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Do you automatically say ‘yes’ before giving it any thought? Ask yourself if it something you really want to do. You may believe that by saying ‘no’, the person will think less of you, but this is unlikely to be the case.
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Step Three
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Consider how you come across to others. You may need to change your reputation if you want others to treat you differently. If you feel put upon you will need to say ‘no’ a few times but eventually they WILL get the message!
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Step Four
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Don’t do too much too soon. Start with one area you would like to begin to assert yourself and practise this first so it gives you a chance to improve your confidence
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Step Five
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It’s time to start focusing on yourself and not worrying so much what others think of you. Consider what YOU want and what will make YOU happy. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost as no one else is going to do it
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If you can identify with any of the above ...
Why not invest the cost of a phone call so you can discover more during a complimentary coaching session.
STOP PRESS EVENT!!!
How to confidently be your own boss
Tuesday 18th May - 9:30 am- 12:30 pm
Basepoint Business Centre
Ransomes Europark, Ipswich
[Map & directions here]
£47 per person - bring a friend along for just £27
For more details contact Pavlenka on 01206 299073
or email pav@smallsteps2success.co.uk
Have a great month ...
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Small Steps to Success April 2010 Newsletter.
Pavlenka Small. Steps to Success. 2 Elm Cottages. Mission Lane. East Bergholt. Colchester. Essex. CO7 6XH.
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