How to move on to a better future

If you travel down the same path you will always arrive at the same destination ...

You.Whilst many of us are prone to repeatedly bemoan the fact that we are unhappy with some aspect of our lives- our job, our relationships, our inability to stop worrying and feeling continually stressed- often it is hard to pinpoint what it is that we really want out of life.

Equally if we DO have an idea of what we want, it is not always easy to identify what must be achieved in order to attain that aspect of our lives which is currently missing.

How often do you fall into the trap of:-‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know’? We are all creatures of habit (try wearing your watch on your opposite wrist for a day & you will soon see what I mean!) and although we may put up with a bullying colleague at work, untidy teenagers at home that drive you to distraction and take on too many tasks rather than saying ‘no’ occasionally, it somehow seems easier to ‘travel down the same path’.

We might also be wary of expressing our wants and needs, (both to others and to ourselves) just in case we never see our desires come to fruition. A favourite film of mine is ‘The Bucket List’ where two terminally ill, elderly men, (played by Morgan Freeman & Jack Nicholson), decide to write up a list of all the things they would regret not having done before they die and they systematically work their way through the list including parachuting, racing fast cars, climbing Mount Everest and rectifying family feuds.

So what will it take for YOU to move forward and make changes? It is not easy to  rid yourself of well-practised and often self-limiting beliefs, thoughts and actions but it is important to remember that  the fear you feel when considering making changes, no matter how tangible it seems, is really only fear of FEAR itself:-

False Expectation of Anticipated Reality

(Ref : Curly Martin/Gerard O’Donovan—The Thirty minute coach)

As I Life Coach I work with many clients to encourage them to replace the fear they feel, with developing a trust in their ability to cope with whatever they want to or need to change.

The first step towards keeping a positive mental attitude is to ensure your self–esteem is high since a by-product of feeling afraid is often because we do not believe in our own abilities. A starting point with clients is to ask them to list all their achievements (but these must be theirs and not someone else’s) as well as asking them to compile a list of  skills gained and considering which skills need to be achieved or developed in order to enhance future progress.

The next step is to consider what changes are necessary or desired. For those who are uncertain where to begin I ask the question:-‘What would you like more of in your life and what would you like less of in your life’. (What about you?!)

The following step is to list  two or three burning desires and then ask yourself what would achievement of these desires give you, ie what do you hope to gain from each one. It is important to try to visualise what the outcomes will feel like and means to you.

The crucial stage is then to set manageable goals or steps in order to achieve the desired goals. This might be to make a phone call to find out about an IT courses to improve your skill set or to revamp your CV if you are thinking of changing your job.

Throughout all these steps it is important to avoid any self-doubt and to stop the old voice immediately it starts Adopt the practice of

‘self-talking’The three P’s:-

Personal = I

Positive = am

Present = going to get a new job/ learn to swim/ ditch the boyfriend

And finally in the words of David Lloyd George, (Welsh Liberal statesman):

‘Don’t be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated.
You can’t cross a chasm in 2 small steps.’

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